I went upstairs at 10.30 a few nights ago to find my little man sobbing, great wraking, noisy, tear-streaming sobs. When I sat on the bed and asked him what was wrong. He couldn’t tell me.

“I’m confused” he said, so I asked what he was confused about. “I don’t know – I’m just confused and I don’t know why”. He could barely get the words out he was crying so much. I hate seeing him like this. I don’t know what to do.

I have several ideas about why he was crying and what is making him so confused, anxious and upset, but it’s very difficult to help when he isn’t sure what’s wrong. I didn’t want to assume too much and tell him that I knew what the matter was. I think however hard it is, he needs to find a way of identifying and owning his anxieties so I asked him whether he thought he was upset about an issue we’d had at bedtime with a new computer game not working as it should, which made him angry and which he wanted to sort before going to bed. He didn’t know if that was the problem. I asked if he might be sad about leaving his old school. Again, he didn’t know. I asked if he might have some worries about starting a new school. “I don’t know, I’m just confused”. We talked about missing his friends (his best friend had stayed the night before and we don’t know when they will see each other next because of family holidays and the boys are going to different schools in September). He couldn’t tell me if this was worrying him.

I think it is a mixture of all these things, but it is very difficult to talk about and help to identify the issues and to attempt to address them when B can’t identify them. I think he is so anxious and tired and the lack of routine and uncertainty of our day-to-day holiday plans are not helping.

I usually try to have some kind of plan for the summer, but this year I have struggled to engage B in making that plan. I’ve asked what he’d like to do and “I don’t know” has been the most common response. He’s spent even more time than usual in his room playing minecraft on the computer. I have let him do this more than usual because I know his anxieties are high and I don’t want to add to them, but equally, I know that if I do get him out and away from the computer for a bit he usually enjoys it.

So, it’s time for a plan I think, even if I have to make it, based on things I know he likes to do or that I think he will enjoy. I suspect that making the choices and decisions are a bit too much at the moment. So today I will write a plan, I will build in computer time and we will see if it helps.

I just wish I could know exactly what is worrying him so that I can give some reassurance.

Thank you for reading and following our journey 😊

About Violets Diary

Visually impaired Mum, with VI hubby, 2 disabled children. Disability campaigner, novice blogger and tweeter. Trying to put the world to rights and share our journey and positive stories.
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6 Responses to Crying

  1. 1funmum says:

    It’s hard to process and explaine feelings. My Son would play mindcraft and other games for ever and never go out. He loves that game. All is good with the world if he can loose him self in the game or use game creators and build his own games and game levels. I too have to make plans to keep him active but also keep in mind that too much activities may be very overwhelming. I often see parents with NT children doing activities and think wow must be so much fun. But I know that those kids are not forced to have this type of fun. The kids want to have that kind of fun. I am like my son so i can understand. I have to take breaks and may only like to engage with others when there is no presure to engage. This makes planing our summer so difficult. I like how you involve your son in the planing. I do too. I did the dirty thing this year and over took my sons ideas on summer and booked him in more activities then he said he was willing to do. He was mad at first but cause I used what he loves I was forgiven. Your awesome for really taking into consideration that he really needs his zone out time. I get a lot of flax for my supper kids love of gaming. But I know he’s in his happy place and needs it to feel great. I would rather have a happy kid doing stuff then a sulky kid. Thanks for sharing I really could identify with your post. Have a great summer! Can’t wait to hear what you guys decided to get up to on your holidays

    • Thank you, I know there are others, It just upset me the other night when he was crying and I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing to help re-assure him, so I thought I’d write it down. I don’t mind him playing his games, but its nice to have a balance and I know he does need a little push.

  2. solodialogue says:

    That must’ve just broke your heart! We do what we can to help but when they cannot communicate the trigger, how much can we do to help heal it. Sounds very much like you know right what to do to soothe him as well as help him grow. It so isn’t easy, is it? ((hugs))

    • Thank you. No its not easy. I guess as parents we can never take all the worry away. All we can do is try to help them learn to live with it. But it is so hard when he can’t really tell me what the worry is. It just helped to write it down

  3. As you know I have similar problems here, but my son does agree that exercise and doing activities that are not computer-related help to lessen his anxiety, so I have a calendar up with the daily activities, and I try to fill in each week ahead of time so that he knows what is happening x

    • Yes my son hasn’t quite accepted that doing other stuff helps ( although it definitely does). And I do try to do a plan, but I like to involve him so that he has some choice of activities, but this year he can’t even tell me what he,d like to do, so making the plan hasnt quite worked and everything else has followed from that. I’ve now made plans for the next couple of weeks, so hopefully things will improve.

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