I went upstairs at 10.30 a few nights ago to find my little man sobbing, great wraking, noisy, tear-streaming sobs. When I sat on the bed and asked him what was wrong. He couldn’t tell me.
“I’m confused” he said, so I asked what he was confused about. “I don’t know – I’m just confused and I don’t know why”. He could barely get the words out he was crying so much. I hate seeing him like this. I don’t know what to do.
I have several ideas about why he was crying and what is making him so confused, anxious and upset, but it’s very difficult to help when he isn’t sure what’s wrong. I didn’t want to assume too much and tell him that I knew what the matter was. I think however hard it is, he needs to find a way of identifying and owning his anxieties so I asked him whether he thought he was upset about an issue we’d had at bedtime with a new computer game not working as it should, which made him angry and which he wanted to sort before going to bed. He didn’t know if that was the problem. I asked if he might be sad about leaving his old school. Again, he didn’t know. I asked if he might have some worries about starting a new school. “I don’t know, I’m just confused”. We talked about missing his friends (his best friend had stayed the night before and we don’t know when they will see each other next because of family holidays and the boys are going to different schools in September). He couldn’t tell me if this was worrying him.
I think it is a mixture of all these things, but it is very difficult to talk about and help to identify the issues and to attempt to address them when B can’t identify them. I think he is so anxious and tired and the lack of routine and uncertainty of our day-to-day holiday plans are not helping.
I usually try to have some kind of plan for the summer, but this year I have struggled to engage B in making that plan. I’ve asked what he’d like to do and “I don’t know” has been the most common response. He’s spent even more time than usual in his room playing minecraft on the computer. I have let him do this more than usual because I know his anxieties are high and I don’t want to add to them, but equally, I know that if I do get him out and away from the computer for a bit he usually enjoys it.
So, it’s time for a plan I think, even if I have to make it, based on things I know he likes to do or that I think he will enjoy. I suspect that making the choices and decisions are a bit too much at the moment. So today I will write a plan, I will build in computer time and we will see if it helps.
I just wish I could know exactly what is worrying him so that I can give some reassurance.
Thank you for reading and following our journey 😊